Guilt, Is It a Force of Nature?
Guilt. Whether we like it or not, we all feel it. It may be from that one time you never returned your friend’s pencil, or that burning pain in your chest when you blame yourself for everything. So, why do we feel guilt? Is there a correct way to feel guilt, or do we just let it take over? It may seem like an unstoppable force, but truly, it's not how you stop it, it's how you control it. There will come times when guilt is inevitable, the only burden you should feel is how to push through it.
Juda, E. (2022, November 29). What’s the effect of guilt appeal? | Online Public health. GW-UMT. https://onlinepublichealth.gwu.edu/resources/guilt-appeal-marketing/
Guilt takes up the neural networks of your brain's front and temporal areas. It usually arises when your behaviour conflicts with your consciousness. I am not one to tell you how your consciousness should behave, but I am one to tell you that guilt can take an overpowering toll on your mental health. Guilt is primarily associated with one's personal value system, not that of others. So, in a way, make your guilt your own, and don’t let others affect your way of feeling it. The three main components of guilt are seen in this quote from Guilts and Guilt “Generally, three components of guilty feelings are considered as necessary constituents of them: the negative evaluation of one’s behaviour as injurious or bad, the assumption of responsibility for it, and the lowering of one’s moral self-esteem” (Gangemi & Mancini, n.d.). I assure you that it is completely and utterly normal to blame oneself for an action, yet it's not healthy to take it out on yourself in negative ways.
Healthy Ways to Deal With Guilt
1. Make Amends
First, if it's possible, try and reach a point where you feel comfortable making amends. Actions that provoke guilt aren’t always going to be black and white, as conflict never is. Yet slowly making amends with those who stemmed your guilt, will help you reach a stage of closure. With closure comes a form of peace, which is one step further to helping your mentality in life.
2. Acceptance and Forgiveness
Secondly, if making amends is something you aren’t comfortable with, you can take small steps into accepting and forgiving yourself. Not everyone will be perfect or graceful with what they do, we all have our skeletons in the closet. Yet, at the end of the day, taking a step to help yourself, can help those around you as well. Your small actions of self-love will affect those that you interact with every day. Don’t view guilt as a problem or pest, it's meant to make you learn and reflect on your actions. We don’t realize it, but we learn every day, and sometimes it's the bad experiences that make the good ones worthwhile.
3. Know the Difference Between Healthy & Unhealthy Guilt
Healthy guilt is when you do something morally wrong, like steal your friend’s pencil, and feel guilty later on. It means that you accept what you're doing is wrong, and are taking steps to correct your behaviour. Unhealthy guilt is anxious and uncontrollable, it's irrational and will constantly put you in a bad position. You feel unhealthy guilt when you start to feel bad about a situation that you took no part in or have no control over. Recognizing which guilt you’re feeling helps you make more rational and educated choices about your mental health and when to seek out help or take a breather from overthinking.
Conclusion
Humans would not be able to write the greatest tragedies or love stories without the mention of guilt. It's our moral compass and drives us to be better. That's not to say it isn't dangerous and in some cases harmful. It's crucial to know when to stop pushing your limits and beating yourself up over something that is so far out of your hands. Instead, shut down your brain, distract yourself, and focus on the best in you, even when it may be tough to find.
References
Gangemi, A. G., & Mancini, F. M. (n.d.). Guilt and Guilts. Retrieved January 24, 2024, from https://www.pvsps.cz/data/2017/05/30/12/11_guilt.pdf?id=689
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